Thursday, February 13, 2014

Storage at maximum capacity

My computer has no more memory.  My phone is low on memory.  My camera card is close to full.  This is where the sidewalk ends.  I am sad at the realization that I'm going to actually have to leave Baby JoJo for a few hours so I can work on our digital overload issues.  Leave him for a hot bath?  Sure.  Girls night?  With bells on, skipping out the door.  Shopping? If I could remember what that was, you betcha.  But to drag files to an external hardrive and upload gazillions of photos to Shutterfly?  Gah.  So boring. 

And no, I can't just get it done during the infamous 'nap time' all you liars told me about.  Because, have I mentioned?  HE DOESN'T NAP.)

I also feel that my mind itself must be connected to 'the cloud' because what my computer and phone and camera are really telling me is that I'M overloaded.  Or possibly have an over-documentation problem.  Or both.

Or maybe I'm just exhausted.

(Because, have I mentioned?  MY CHILD DOESN'T NAP.)

So, for the remainder of this post I bring you the confession that Elijah is taking up a huge chunk of my storage capacity right now.  On memorial dates like his due date or the day we lost him I have it so together.  I see it coming, and so do the people who love me.  I am usually surrounded by flowers and sweet messages to help me get through the day.  It's truly amazing how other people can carry a burden you can't see or touch.  But it's days like today.  February 13.  Completely unexpected.  Days like today the grief just creeps in and overtakes me.  Drains me.  Makes me want to just crawl away, leave everyone and everything, and just go be with my baby.  Just for a little while.

If only.