Wednesday, August 7, 2013


Good morning!  I hope you've had a well rested night and come to this blog refreshed and rejuvenated.

I haven't and don't.

But that's ok.  I've decided to accept that getting little sleep is my new normal now.  The Kidlet is due in just about 3 weeks and let me just say - we are both ready!!

The Kidlet is our second child.  Our first is in Heaven.  His name is Elijah Howard.  We call him Eli.  It's hard to believe that this fall it will have been one whole year since we lost him.  It seems like last week.

I started a blog about Eli when I found out I was pregnant with him.  It's pretty full of anger.  Losing a baby makes you so, so angry.  But in a way I'm glad it made me angry.  It's a sign I understand how and why Eli is a full-fledged person, and not a mere piece of tissue.  We'll get into that here on this blog as well.  I want you, too, to be able to articulate why an unborn baby is a person with rights and with value.  I want you to understand how an unborn baby is someone's child, and why the grief process of pregnancy loss has been labeled the hardest to work through because of those societal misunderstandings.

I'm still working through a lot of grief.  It's one thing to understand how the world works on paper.  It's quite another to live out that understanding.

You'll get to know the Kidlet plenty here, and can start by reading his interviews over at "Sips with the Kidlet."

For today, I want to introduce you to Eli with a couple of posts from his old blog.  Both of my babies bring me such joy.  Sure, there's a lot of pain in losing Eli, and a lot of anxiety in expecting the Kidlet.  But they are my sons and amidst the pain and worry they both bestow incredible joy.  Even though Eli's not with us, we believe he continues to live in Heaven.  We remember the sweet times with him and how much he changed our lives for the good.  His Daddy says his extra chromosome gave him superpowers to do all sorts of neat stunts. : )  I just love that.  What a great Daddy.

Enjoy meeting Eli below!  Thanks for stopping by.  Come back soon!


Baby boy

This is Eli.
It’s his 7 week picture. I have one of when he was older, where you can see his cute little gummy bear body, but I like this one. It’s the last one of him alive.
We know sweet Eli is a boy because he had an autopsy. It’s a special kind where geneticists can actually analyze his chromosomes. When I found out this was available for the purpose of finding out what caused his death, I begged for them to also tell us the gender. This wasn’t a conventional use of the chromosomal testing, but I figured hey – if you’re already in there with the things, gender would be a pretty easy structure to determine. 
It was so sweet to know this important detail of who our child is (although I could’ve told you the same thing when I was about 6 weeks and got a sense of immediate displeasure from my womb when I walked into Anthropologie).
A sweet baby boy. I think he’s just like his daddy.


The box a sweet friend gave me to house the cards and notes we got in Eli’s passing.
The tiny sapphire we had added to my wedding band in honor of Eli and the month in which he began his life.
The picture of my husband and me at school on what was probably the last day of Eli’s life.
These are a few of my favorite things.

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